Category Archives: Simply Inspiring

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Virtue in MAY

I love May.

It was the first month who’s name I learned to spell. They seem to be harder at both ends of the year and easier in the middle.

It was my Grandma’s middle name (Mae). Miss that lady!

Isn’t there something about April showers bringing May flowers and Mayflowers bringing Pilgrims? Yep. That’s it. I like Pilgrims.

May means spring in Oregon and no going back. Until May, winter is still a maybe.

May Day. I have some fond memories. My first go at it was the best one, mostly because I was in first grade, at my best friends house, and doing something I was sure my parents had never heard the likes of. Turned out they knew all about putting flowers on porches, ringing the bell and hiding in the shrubbery! Wow.

And then there is Mother’s Day. I am blessed with two inspiring mothers. Mine and his. I know, priceless.

IMG_0162The whole month of May is for motherhood. The awareness that I am a mother seems to sink in deeply like warm spring sun.  I remember that I have people in my life who are depending on me to nurture them and train them and make memories with them. I remember that they love me “on my very best and very worst of days” and I do the same for them. I remember how much I love being called “mom”.  It is like a blessing being bestowed on me. When the sun starts getting hotter in the middle of the summer, I need to remember May.

Motherhood is like a garden that weathers many seasons. If you are a new mother, you might not yet be over the shock that you can be so tired and so in love. So unbelievably in love. If you are a mother with children who are leaving home, you might not yet be over the shock that you could be so tired, so heartsick, so happy (and afraid?), learning to trust God more than you ever have in your life. (I guess you can tell this one is me. *sigh*)

When my oldest was about to graduate high-school, a neighbor called out to me while I was standing on my porch. He saidIMG_0169 “How are you feeling about him moving?” “I’m not really done! He’s not where I thought he needed to be by the time he moved! I’ve been agonizing over it for months, then this morning I realized that he is going to have a pastor, teachers, bosses, and eventually a wife who will come into his life to help him mature! He even has GOD to help him! I also remembered how much I have matured since I graduated from high-school and he will too!” was the reply I yelled passionately across the street!  My neighbor, a professional counselor, looked at me with a concerned expression and said “Uh-huh!” and quickly took cover inside his house. Yep, true story.

Like me, no matter the end of this garden-of-motherhood you are cultivating at the moment, I’m sure you have grown right along with your children.  Grown in patience, joy, and perseverance. Grown in flexibility, resourcefulness and gentleness. Grown in selflessness, kindness and humility. Motherhood might have changed you as much as it has your children. In actuality,

…Motherhood is very becoming on you. YOU are beautiful, Mother-in-May. Absolutely stunning.

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I F.E.E.D my Kids

Have you ever noticed that it never ends? I mean once you bring that itty-bitty one into the world, the responsibility just rolls along from one day to the next without a thought of letting you rest? I feel that way, too! Give them some maturity and it starts getting easier…but it still never ends.

For instance, I’m always appalled when it’s time to eat again. The preparation for the meal takes longer than the eating of it, and no sooner are you cleaned-up that it’s time to start again. Most meals aren’t even memorable, but that has no bearing on their importance. Feeding kids at my house is really about finding some healthy recipes and then making them over and over…and over. Then WAH-LA! They become big and strong and try to carry you around the kitchen on their back and make you take your shoes off so they can measure you on the wall against their own height-mark. I suddenly wonder what I did to make this happen. All I did was feed my kids…everyday… and they passed me up!

 

Training children is a lot like feeding children. It is not about being memorable as  much as it is about using a healthy recipe (see mine below) and being consistent. They may not like it at first, but keep it up and they will develop a taste for the new way things are being done at home.

 One day, you will realize that they are strong, mature, gracious people with integrity and you will shy up to them and measure your own character and realize that they have surpassed you.   You will cry! But don’t worry. They still need a hot meal from mama now and again and you’ll be SO glad it never ends!

I  F.E.E.D. My Kids so They Can Grow

InsIFEEDquotePinterestwebpire with your example. Your children will follow your ways. (Proverbs 23:26, 20:7)

Fast and pray…for a heart change that only God can make (Proverbs 20:9, 27, 21:2)

Explain the right attitudes and actions (Proverbs 7:24, 40:20)

Encourage when you see improvement (Proverbs 23:15, 24-25)

Discipline when you see digression (Proverbs 13:24, 29:15)

Proverbs 31:28-29
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
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Challenges to Teaching Virtue #1

What are some of the challenges parents face when trying to teach Virtue? 

 The first challenge to teaching virtue  is that character is often taught in a negative and stressful atmosphere.

I think this is because we tend to combine character training with correction exclusively. Think about when you were a child. When were you taught to obey? Most of us would say it was when we were being disobedient. This is, after all, a  good time to do it because we have a clear example of what not to do. Only teaching Virtue during discipline might make it take on a negative vibe, so when we bring it up, our children become defensive and feel like they can’t do anything right. Believe it or not, this can lead to deep resentment and rebellion. I am NOT suggesting you don’t teach it then, just don’t ONLY teach it then.

Here are some tips to help.

  • Discipline has a vital role, but it should come after there is understanding and a little practice. It really makes a huge difference! Explain the Virtue. Talk about what Virtue IS not just what it is NOT. Why is perseverance so wonderful? How will it help my relationships or my future? If it doesn’t help me at all at the moment, why should I still choose to use it?
  • Talk about Virtue when someone is getting it right! just make a big deal about that!
  • Talk about Virtue when you observe it in the world around you, in the conflict in a book you are reading or a show you are enjoying.
  • Plan a time each day to talk about it. Being intentional builds security and confidence that the standard is secure and not based on the mood of someone in authority.
  • We Choose Virtues approaches character training by intentionally creating a positive, even fun atmosphere. (Shameless plug for our Parenting Cards!)

What could you do if your children are already defensive and don’t want to receive correction or even positive instruction from you? Defensiveness is a natural response that has to be trained out. It is a sign of the pride and rebellion that we all deal with as people. No one enjoys being told they are wrong or that they need to change, but if it is the truth, it must be told and if you are a follower of Christ, it must be told in Love! (Help us, Lord!)

Many times in my life as a mother I have had to sit down with my children and explain to them the importance of receiving wisdom, welcoming instruction and discipline, and being receptive. If this is all it takes, fantastic! It often requires much more. I remember telling one of my kids that I felt I had done my job as his mom to teach him the truth, but because of his unwillingness to stop arguing with it (it, the Truth, not me) its as if it never came out of my mouth. I was grieved and concerned that he would ultimately respond the same way to it (the Truth) when God Himself spoke directly to his heart. Our son has really yielded over time, but it required diligence and lots of prayer for wisdom. Please pray for your child to have a change of heart toward the Truth. Make sure it is Truth that you are speaking and not man’s opinion.  Work hard to encourage whenever you see even a glimmer of change for the better. Don’t nit pick. Let there be times where there is rest from correction so your child can have a fresh start. Be forgiving of your child, and when you fail, remember that the Lord extends His deep love and forgiveness to you as a parent. He knows you are doing your best. I hope you feel hope!

Can you talk about Virtue too much? I think so. (Can you believe I’m admitting this?)

  • If you are clearly not conquering patience, it would be good to talk about it with your family, ask forgiveness and show some encouraging signs of change before you make a huge deal about it in the life of your child or spouse. Perhaps you could work on it as a family!
  • If you talk about Virtue simply ALL the time, you might wear our your listeners’ ears. If you are prone to being excessive, try to pace yourself. I tend to be this way!
  • Character takes a lifetime to develop. Even as their parent, you are not the last person in your child’s journey that will teach them Virtue, so that should be encouraging! Don’t feel you have to talk about it every minute of the day to catch up.

In closing, if you teach your child the value of responding instead of being defensive when confronted they will flourish more and more every year of their lives. That is a wonderful outcome of their years in your home. If you as a parent never learned this skill, don’t worry! Character can be developed late in life the same as when you are young and don’t let any one tell you any different! The moment a ray of conviction hits your spirit, you can rejoice that there is hope for change…and thank God He doesn’t just teach Virtue when we are doing something wrong!

 

 

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Virtue is a Many-Splendored Thing!

Let’s shatter mundane expectations. Virtue is extraordinary and totally worth any effort you will ever put into teaching it!

When you have virtue, you are doing things that contradict conventional assumptions about what constitutes normal human behavior. In other words, you are quite heroic!

Virtue is thought of as an extraordinary response to a very ordinary situation.

Virtue is very unusual and deserves attention because of being wonderful and excellent.

Virtue is responding with an attitude or action that does not immediately benefit us.

Virtue is doing something because it is the right thing to do.

Virtue actually goes beyond DOING the right thing. It is the having the right attitude behind the right action.

Virtue is having the right attitude and the right action consistently, whether anyone else ever knows about it or not.

Virtue, once gained becomes a person’s public reputation. It becomes their good name. It is known as their character.

Nobody had to teach me to be lazy, whiny  or rude.  I’ve been an expert since I was born. But diligence, contentment, and kindness go against the natural way of doing things, and that’s what makes them Virtues!

Virtue does not come naturally. We are not born with it, but we are born able to develop it, and that is exciting!

After a certain point there is little one can do to change the body or mind one has been given, but not so with character! It is not limited in any way, ever. So never give up!